Down with the Pepperoni Sticks

DANIGIRL is doing well on her diet but she writes an entertaining story about how she fell off the wagon last week with pepperoni sticks. She notes that a single ten inch pepperoni stick has 187% of the daily recommended amount of sodium and 202% of recommended daily saturated fat intake.

I was doing so well on watching what I was eating, until the week I ate FOUR ENTIRE PEPPERONI STICKS. And not just those little ones, either, but the ones as long as your forearm. What the hell causes a normal person to eat FOUR pepperoni sticks in a week (cough cough four days cough), you ask? My brother has this totally amazing butcher near his house, and he makes spicy pepperoni to die for. My folks visited one weekend and brought no less than six pepperoni sticks home for me.

I'm telling you, that stuff is meat mixed with crack. I'd cut myself a small piece and put it back in the fridge, intentionally hiding it behind other stuff so I couldn't see it. I'd finish the bite I'd cut and start smacking my lips, salivating for more. Okay, I'd think, just another little piece, just a tiny bite. I'll eat less at dinner. And after cutting off some more, I'd put the pepperoni away and the knife in the dishwasher and I'd still be back in the fridge five minutes later looking for more. And once it was half gone, well, there's no sense in leaving it around for me to agonize over all night, right? Might as well polish it off. And at about the 3/4 mark, with my mouth tingling from the spiciness, I'd start to think that maybe I should stop now, but I wouldn't be able to stop and so I'd just eat the whole damn thing. And then I'd have a righteous bellyache, because that's really a disgusting amount of meat and fat(*) to consume as a snack. And yet, the next day I'd be right back at it, cutting myself just the tiniest sliver of the next one, just for a taste.