Why Insecurity Kills Your Chances With Women

by Stephen Nash

What I'd like to do today is discuss with you briefly this highly confusing concept that I refer to over and over in our products and programs, and on the website (and articles all over the internet), what I mean by "Security", and WHY it is that that is so critical.

I guess it was a few years ago during the Project Hollywood experiment that me and many of the guys began to realize that, what we felt was "neediness" was a big problem, and that what that did was just drive the women we were interested in AWAY from us. And this had been a problem my whole life and, I imagine, everyone's life who experiences that. It wasn't just isolated to Project Hollywood; it had been a lifelong challenge.

So, what does that mean?

Well, INSECURITY - let's use that word and let's begin with that as a formation for this discussion.

Insecurity is really when I look towards things outside of myself to PROVIDE ME Security, and by nature the things that I seek for security are not within the realm of my control.

So, if I place the Hopes of MY Security and Happiness and Validation - these are all words that are different but in this context they are all interchangeable - If I seek Validation from women, from money, from the weather, from what apartment I get on my apartment search, to my career, to my family...

...If my sense of security, if my sense of value as a human being, IF that rests upon things that are outside of my control - if they are in the hands of, in this case, a woman's approval of me, I WILL BE INSECURE, I will absolutely be insecure. That is not something I can control. And what invariably happens, the ultimate irony, is that when I do that and I begin to "like someone... like a woman", and I am unconsciously seeking validation and approval from her; the PRESSURE that that applies to her, she will subconsciously, or maybe consciously, realize 'Wait a second, something's up with this guy.. There's a little more riding on this than I am comfortable with'. She WILL pull away, it is absolutely biological, it is human nature for that to happen.

If you're seeking security from a female, if you're seeking a sense of self-worth, if you're seeking a sense of your own value and its in the hands of a woman you're dating and that you're interested in, you will push her away - because that is too much pressure, that is too much responsibility on her.

So, what is the REMEDY for this?

Well, the Pick Up Artist remedy for that is to get five girls... or learn how to get another one!

It's not really a solution - that's a band-aid at best.

The real solution is to put my own sense of security into my own hands. How can I then manage that, how can I control it - And control is a very deadly word, because there's very little that we can control in this world - but how can I be the Governor of my own Security, my own sense of Self Worth and Value. In a religious context this would mean how do I find a greater sense of spiritual connection, but really for our purposes, the word that I use is Autonomy.

Autonomy means that I am self-governing. It means that I am living my life. I am not living the life that my father wanted for me or that my mother wanted for me, or that I think the women want me to be, or that my friends feel I should be [etc]. I am living the life that I want for myself based on what I want and what I need. That's the definition:

Autonomy is the state of being where I am living my life, for myself, based on what I want and what I need.

So what do you need?

Well, you need shelter, food, clothing, income, you need these things; health, you need a connection with your family, I think. I think that encourages health and balance in a man's life. He needs a career; he needs a vision for that.

Most importantly he needs a purpose. What's the meaning of your life?

I mean I could talk for hours on that. The question I'll ask you though in this brief context here is that what do you feel you need to do before you die, so that WHEN you die you feel that your life has been COMPLETE.

All of these elements are things that we go into in our products and programs. We discuss them in great length, and give exercises and guidance, not only my own guidance but others' fully expert guidance, on how to tap into purpose, how to tap into what's right for me career wise.

Because really, when it comes down to dating and being active with women and being interested in healthy relationships, I HAVE TO HAVE a healthy relationship with myself first.

If I put, if that is, anywhere but number one on my list, I am screwed, because my relationship with myself will automatically translate to my relationships with other people. So if my relationship with myself is unhealthy, my relationships with other people will be unhealthy. And in fact, the more important those relationships are with other people, the less healthy they will be! I hope that's clear.

So, when I'm talking about security, I'm talking about Autonomy: My sense of value, my sense of self worth - I am the governor of that. I don't need somebody to say 'Yes' to me for me to feel good. I don't need for someone to say 'I will spend time with you' in order for me to feel Valued.

I therefore, give that to myself.

One thing that I can pass along to you is something that I was introduced to recently. It's actually a person, named John Goddard. John Goddard, when he was 15, made a list of 127 things he wanted to do before he died, and this is fascinating, and his story is extraordinary. He's a public speaker who clearly has an extraordinary wealth of things to say.

But, for our purposes, of those 127, he has completed 109. That's over 3, 4 or 5 weeks ago, so maybe it's 110, I don't know, but, he's completed 109 out of 127, and the list is extraordinary, you could Google him tonight - John Goddard, and you'll come up with a list, you'll see his list.

Well, on the road to Autonomy, I encourage you; make your list. And start doing the things that you want to do.

Start living the life that you feel you want to live.

Because what's interesting, and in my research with clients, has been that many men put off their life until they "get this women thing handled" until they get a girlfriend, 'til they get a sense that they can meet people, 'til they have a wife - whatever your goal is with that - their life is on hold until that happens.

And my message to you is to REVERSE THAT. Take your life OFF of HOLD. Stop that. Start DOING the things that you WANT to do. Certainly do the things that you need to do, but START DOING the things you WANT to DO; If you want to learn French, START taking French classes; if you want to go to the Himalayas, START planning that; if you want to build a career in, say, Finance, look into getting your MBA.

TAKE ACTION in other words.

You'll be amazed what happens to you when you start to take VIGOROUS, FOCUSED ACTION in the Direction of the things that you REALLY want for yourself. And you'll find that through that process, women will be absolutely magnetized to you! Because you will represent to them what they so thirst for from Man.

...And that is SECURITY.

You will no longer be insecure because your power will be in your OWN hands. That's the GOAL.

Take Care!

And I hope you'll be hearing from me soon.

Stephen Nash
Cutting Edge Image Consulting

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Let me tell you a quick story…

It’s about 2 guys who were treated completely differently by the women they dated:

The 1st guy relied on his good looks and money to attract women.

He could brag about his successful career, win over her family by being a smooth talker, drive her around in his expensive sports car and shower her with expensive gifts to keep her around.

The 2nd guy was average looking (with a slight tilt toward ugly) and had very little money--he knew he was not a “good catch” and had to rely on some other way to attract women.

It looks like the 1st guy has it “made in the shade” and the 2nd guy better find a new planet to live on.

Oh, but wait…

Let me tell you what happened on this planet we live on. To everyone’s surprise…... Keep reading...