What's The Story?

by Jayson

I went to an art show this weekend. I saw a number of paintings, bands, and some performance art pieces. (Those things are still strange to me.)

By far the most interesting thing in the room to everyone (inculding me) were 3 girls in body paint, pasties, and hot pants.

I started talking with people, and every girl I spoke with assumed these girls were strippers promoting their club. Or just trashy ho's.

So...I had to go find out.

"I know you've probably been talking about it all night, but I gotta know. What's the story?"

That was what I opened with. Or something like that. I don't really pay attention to what I say anymore. I find it more enjoyable that way.

The 2 body paint girls tell me that they are students at the schools (where the art show was being held) interior design department. They had to make a bid for putting on the show as part of a class project, and this was part of their idea. They also tell me that they had no expectation of winning. We chatted for a bit, one of the girls told me that if I, "keep touching her on the arm I will get black paint on my hands." I tell her that, "I'm okay with that. I'll consider it a memento to take home from the event." And we end our conversation.

"Damn you wingman!!! Where are you when I need you!!!"

Actually, we know exactly how to overcome this issue. (Insert slightly-hypnotic-shamless-self-promotion) Come take our workshop if you wish to find out.

But here's the deal...after speaking with these girls, I knew the story. I actually knew the story behind the story. And EVERYONE I spoke with was talking about, making jokes about, and gawking at the 3 naked girls in body paint.

Since I knew what nobody else knew, because they were largely too afraid to ask, I had an easy intro/conversation piece about which I could speak with everyone. These girls were, in Juggler-speak, the "Flopsy" of the room. (If you want to find out what a flopsy is, buy the book. Oh! more hynotic-suggestion-to-buy-our-products. I'm on a roll today. But seriously. Go buy the book.)

Now, I'm going to make a couple of tangental statements about this situation.

First, I don't TRY to be the most interesting guy in the room. Most people don't care about me, because they're largely thinking about themselves. I know I am! So, the fact that I have the knowledge that everyone wants is coincidental. It comes up very easily in natural conversation. I'm not forcing it. (As in, "Hey guys! Do you want to know what the deal is behind the 3 naked girls?" Which would be bad on so many CA levels. Write an instructor an email if you wish to know why. I know they've already picked apart that statement for all of it's flaws. Both content and context.)

Since I'm giving a part of myself, the story is what I bring to the "poker game", I am free to ask the person I'm speaking with something about themselves. Then I appreciate them for who and what they are. This is an essential element to escalation.

Second, Girls are always competing for the attention of other men in these types of situations. So there is a lot of tension in the female dynamic of the room regarding these girls. And the naked girls know this. So they feel insecure that they are the object of many angry looks and snide comments. But they have to prop themselves up with an attitude of, "I don't care what you think of me. You don't even know me. I'm hotter than you." They are also propping themselves up with copious quantities of alcohol.

Because I know this, I am able to relieve some of the tension at the party by telling the story about the situation. These naked girls aren't sluts! They're doing this for a class project. And almost everyone can relate to doing something uncomfortable to fulfill an obligation.

So I go around the party meeting people, talking about whatever, and having a good time. When I tell the story about the 3 naked girls to other girls, I see sighs of relief and compassion fall across their faces. Now they don't see the girls as competition. This relaxes the atmosphere. There's a line in a relatively famous prayer that says, "Seek to understand, rather than to be understood." I guess the fact that I try to help people understand is why I am a good teacher. I've been told all my life that I should teach. But it never sounded interesting until I found this job.

I'm also free to introduce any guy in the room to the naked girls. This would help the guys make contact with the objects of their desire. I don't actually do this though. I'm kind of lazy and it's more work than I want to do at that time.

And I end up having a good time at a party I didn't really feel like attending. I met a nice girl who works at the college I attended. We talk about education, music, and art. She was introduced to me by her dad. I initially spoke with him about the band that was playing. I had no intention of "picking-up" his daughter. In fact, I thought she was his wife/girlfriend at first. I didn't look at her closely.

I also met a guitarist from a fairly prominent local rock band that is beginning to cut it's teeth in the national and international music scene. She was pretty drunk.

Come to think of it, I met another fairly prominent guitarist. He was a cool guy who bummed a light off of one of my smoker buddies. Tip: If you don't smoke, hang around with people who do. They're always exchanging cigarette paraphenilia. It's an easy way to start a conversation. Also, carry a lighter for when people ask you to light their cigarettes. I did this for a girl many years ago during one of my "no smoking" bouts, and she later told me that she thought it was very ***y that I had a lighter even though I didn't smoke. She's a total sweetheart, and she has some of the biggest boobies I've ever seen on a girl of her short stature. Alas, she married a really good friend of ours and they have a baby or 2 now. I haven't spoked with them in a while, and this post is reminding me that I should give them a call and see what's going on.

Basically, to make a long post a bit longer (sorry about that, BTW.), I had a great time. And that's attractive. People want to hang out/hook up with other people who know how to enjoy themselves. Particularlly if they know how to enjoy themselves in a social situation in which, they themselves, feel uncomfortable.

People often tease me about my job when they find out what I do. And they ask me so many questions that I get a bit annoyed having the same conversation over and over again. But when I explain what we actually do at Charisma Arts, I almost invariably hear, "Oh, I can't do that. I have such a hard time talking with strangers."

And then I feel a bit self-righteous, for a moment, that I'm actually helping myself and others overcome a fear that is so common among people.

Then I feel compelled to go hit on girls. But I'm getting past this. The feeling of needing to show off for others, and prove my self-worth by making others like me is not a positive thing for my soul. It's codependent and approval-seeking thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

But it's also my job. And I think this is a stage that I have to go through to get to the other side. Which, I hope, is where I just talk with people and flirt with girls because that's what I want to do.

I used to do this just because I was horny, but now I'm getting kind of old and the same fire isn't there.

But I started working out again at this really awesome, no-frills gym this past weekend. The people there are cool (my number one requirement for joining something like this) and the workouts are short in duration and high intensity. Which is how I like my ***.

I guess one has to train for the conditions he will be under most often. Pun intended.

Late.

-J...
Charisma Arts

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