Handling the Surprise Flirt

by Mike Pilinski

You're at the corner Gas-N-Go doing some mindless chore picking up a 12 pack or something, when suddenly you find yourself face to face with a doe-eyed little cutie who's gazing at you with that glassy, just a bit wide-eyed-and-lost look that we all love to see. You smile and make some bland remark about something and she lights up and either gives you a great return smile, or maybe... just a flash of a slough-eyed, ***y look -- deepening the signal. Pre-occupied though, you make nothing of it -- exchange a few pleasantries and she turns away -- swaying that ***y backside as if to demonstrate what you're missing out on. You spot her once again at the counter while checking out, but either she won't look at you now or gives you that quick sort of longing "could have been" look and then is gone. You get in your car and a few minutes later while driving back home think to yourself... "Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what? Maybe I should have got her name..."

And so it goes... another unlikely surprise chance to hook up with a hot little number shot down the tubes. It's like watching a hanging softball glide through your strike-zone without even taking a swing at it. This used to happen to me ALL the time! Not frequently, mind you (I wish) -- but whenever I did seem to catch a surprise flirt like this the result was always the same... nothing! That's because my reaction to it was always the same: total lock-up!

Part of this failure to engage can be chalked up simple disbelief: by the time you realize... "hey, is this chick flirting with me or what? Me?... Ugly ol' me?..." the magical moment has already gone sour and the opportunity is kaput. I talk in my books about how your best chances with women will often seem to happen unexpectedly when and where you least imagine them -- which is why it is so very important in gaming women to be able to switch gears and spring into action at the first sign of any sudden connection! When you're in a club or at a party you're already adjusted into a flirting, pick-up sort of mindset -- but many times it doesn't do you any good. The women are playing it aloof or viewing all your attempts to connect with them suspiciously... you know how this drill goes.

In the meantime, you're still kicking yourself in the ass for having missed that chance yesterday with the girl you bumped into while folding your socks at the laundromat! This kind of "real" shot can have ten times the long term potential of some drunken hook-up with a bar floozie. If you've been working the bars then you know what I mean.

So this "catch-a-chance" sort of skillset can be critically important to your grand, overall success with women.

Alright then, with this idea established let me share with you a few of my thoughts on this ONE particular maddening aspect of gaming women: the surprise flirt.

1) Don't freeze-up wondering why YOU could be her guy -- The single biggest killer in this situation is HESITATION. Like so much of the sport of gaming women, timing is everything. However, in this situation minutes don't matter, seconds matter. When a chick opens a sudden flirt you literally have a window of opportunity available to you that's measured in mere seconds. You should almost see a ten second counter open up over her pretty little head that immediately begins running down 9....8....7.... to remind you of how little time you have to act in a way that plays perfectly off her opening volley. The big mental block as I mentioned before is often disbelief. But while you're wondering if a chick this cool could actually be flirting with a lowlife such as yourself, precious seconds are ticking away and with it goes your chance! If she's not immediately seeing the reaction she was hoping for from you... she reads this as a rejection! Once that happens she will pull back (I've actually seen them physically snap back) and the flirt is over. Women have no tolerance for rejection and will rarely try to push through it like a ballsy guy might.

MAJOR RULE: You never know what any other person in the world considers to be their "type". You've seen tons of hot chicks hooked up with gross, grubby dudes. Need I remind you of this sad fact of life? So don't waste any precious time whatsoever wondering how some chick like this could find someone like you attractive enough to flirt with. Just accept her judgement and GO WITH IT! Also, avoid making a snap judgement yourself as to whether or not she's your "type" (within reason, of course). You can sort all that stuff out later and besides, you've got to give women of all types a chance to grow on you a little bit. To do that you're going to have to see them again, right?

So your first objective in all this is to condition your mind to never question her judgement or your expectations -- and to let yourself immediately just go with the flow, full bore. No falling back into your psy-protective shell and then making endless excuses about it all later to yourself. No over-thinking of what's going on, no suspicion of motives, no paranoia, no DISBELIEF -- none of that crap must be allowed to intrude into your mind at this critical moment when you're "on the clock" -- because that stuff will only result in lock-up, and once that happens it's game-over.

Instead, you want to...

2) Drop Dead and Smile -- Your most important "gaming women" tool! By this I refer to the need to control any fidgety movements or weird twitches that might betray too much discomfort on your part with the idea of spontaneously meeting someone (or worse, flat out panic). Let her be the one nervously rocking back and forth on her heels (so cute!) while you hold a steady, solid eye-contact and a sweet ***y, appreciative smile. This demonstrates that you're NOT all that surprised by the attention of women -- just like a classy high status male would be, right? Look, I know this stuff will always be a high pressure deal, and the fact that it sometimes just drops in out of nowhere makes it even worse! She's nervous, you're nervous, the fat guy watching the two of you on a security camera in the back room while beating his meat is nervous... everybody's nervous! There's no booze-buzz involved here remember. But realize that this does not have to go down like a well-rehearsed scene from a slick movie in order to work either.

So try not to lock-up worrying about your performance -- no one expects a virtuoso performance at the drop of a hat. Neither is this a cold approach where you're expected to say something thrilling and clever. She'll cut you slack on a fumble or verbal stumble -- just keep moving the ball forward somehow and you'll be okay! Again, pre-conditioning of the ol' numbskull is the only way to achieve some degree of instantly-available charm. You have to pound these "calm & cool" ideas into your noggin all day long so they will pop up in a situation where you need them immediately.

3) A sudden flirt is always your Chance to Shine -- It doesn't matter if your silly little joke is lame or if your words are stuttering or smooth (or even what exactly you say to her), the important thing is that you are attempting to react to her gift of a flirt in a positive way that reflects all those good feelings right back at her! Your willingness to pick up a flirt and give it right back to someone speaks volumes about yourself instantaneously... and it's all good stuff! It says that you're likely active socially (and therefore something of a catch), have good self-esteem, that you're pleasantly extroverted around people almost as a reflex, and so on.

This is the best way to communicate all of these various types of qualities to women... with your ACTIONS rather than your bragging lips!

You're being given the opportunity to put yourself over with a quiet charm instead of a lot of blather, and you should seize this chance with enthusiasm because it doesn't come by very often. A woman initiating a flirt is taking a personal risk to give you a big juicy GO signal in the only way she knows how -- admittedly a bit awkward and the entire "surprise" thing is somewhat unfair -- but unfairness abounds throughout the universe of man-woman affairs of the heart, and so why should this aspect of it be any different? Re-arrange your head to recognize this event as a fat & sweet chance to show off your stuff, rather than to turtle up and wait for "more data" to come in. Data that will NOT be coming along anytime soon (remember that ticking countdown timer...).

4) Let her "Win" the flirt -- remember, she started all this and so it's really her play. That means if you blow her off and fail to respond to her flirt (even if it's because of your own stuff, i.e. your fear, disbelief or whatever) it won't matter, she'll feel rejected and will quickly flee the scene. But... if you pick up her flirt and give it right back in a fun and friendly way, then she wins! By that I mean that you've confirmed her charm as a woman... she "won" your male attention! Get it? This sort of thing is thrilling to a woman and puts her in an instant happy/satisfied mood from which you can naturally be expected to seek to want to know more about her. It plays into all her "chick flick" fantasies!

Once you've spread the good vibes around in this way therefore, you should...

5) Follow up immediately or as soon as appropriate -- Unless she's just being some kind of major prick tease for some unknown reason, any woman can only expect a Man to want to follow up on this chance encounter and meet up with her again. Get her name and number and pop it straight into your cellphone, or use a low-tech pen and scrap of paper, whatever you need to make it possible to hook up with her again. Or, maybe you could offer to meet her somewhere within the next 1-3 days at some common ground, some "happening" place? A nightclub, a corner bar, a local event, a bowling alley... whatever. Whatever fits your particular style and surroundings and is a place that you would normally frequent. Figure out what this actual place would be in advance and have it stored away in your noggin always ready to use.

Then just invite (don't "ask" and especially don't beg!) her to meet you at XYZ Club this Friday night... you know they have great steamed clams or killer Buffalo wings, etc. (know something about the joint!). Make it a safe, public venue that you would usually hang out at... somewhere she would certainly know about if she lives in the area. Invite her to meet you there for a drink or a coffee or to watch you play softball. "You seem very charming (cool, fun-loving)" is all you need to say.

Simple words spoken where they are welcome will rock her world!

Inviting her out to a public party spot also has the added benefit of making you seem like a social, happening guy -- rather than whining for her "magic 7 digits" like some porn-downloading nerd. Tantalizing any woman to join your world as opposed to "saving you" makes a big positive statement about your high male status. These impressions may be subliminal, but they are very important and psychologically powerful. This is how she gets a quick "read" on what type of guy you are, and if she would like to pursue you further. These are the elements of that elusive chemistry that women are starry-eyed for!

So in review, DON'T JUDGE WHY -- DROP DEAD AND SMILE -- LET HER WIN THE FLIRT -- HAVE A PLAN FOR FURTHER CONTACT. Write these down on a card and stick them on your mirror so you can see them when you're shaving every morning and help you create ideas for how you're going to handle each step. This will also drive these ideas deep into your unconscious mind so that the next time you get hit with a surprise flirt from some hottie pumping gas next to you, you'll be able to react to her challenge within seconds... confident that you know approximately how to handle this type of situation already. Learn to fall back on your training, your mental training, when that timer starts ticking.

Because your best chances to meet interesting new women will always seem to happen in the real world outside the club -- and so that's where you'll need to be able to call up your instant reserve of charm... at the drop of a hat.

Or in the sparkle of an eye.

Mike Pilinski
High Status Male
Copyright 2007 -- Kipling Kat Publishing Co.

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