How Soon is Too Soon?

When Waves Collide
Originally uploaded by acastellano
If you watch as much TV as I do, you probably spend a lot of time watching people hop in and out of bed with each other. On Desperate Housewives, Gabrielle did the teen gardener while wed to Carlos; now she's doing Carlos while wed to Victor.

On *** and the City, everybody did everybody (in fact, Carrie bounced the mattress with guy who plays Victor on DH). On Friends, Rachel and Joey scored so many conquests it's amazing they had time for jobs.

All this bonking leaves the average viewer wondering just what is normal ***ual behavior. What's weird? What's good? What's prudish?

Whatever you do, don't tune into Entourage for guidance.

Many women (and men, I'm told) are nervous enough on a first date or at the start of a relationship, and they don't want to come across pushy, freaky, or monastic. The best thing you can do here is follow your own instincts. Worry less about what people are doing on televsion shows and more on what feels right to you.

That means, if you're comfortable going for it, do. But be smart about it.

During a recent visit to my doctor's office, a pharmaceutical rep showed up with one of those shopping carts my grandmother used to drag to the supermarket. I noticed the thing was filled to the tippy-top with samples for Valtrex, the Herpes drug we've all seen advertised between sheet-slams on our favorite TV shows.

When I got into see my doctor, I asked her, "How many people have Herpes that she was carting around all those samples?"

"You would't believe it," my doctor said. "About one out of five are walking around with the virus and don't even know it."

So, know what you're getting into before you dive into bed with somebody.

However, if you believe that *** is meant for marriage, then by all means, be true to yourself. There are plenty of men out there that feel that way, too. Chances are, he's not watching Entourage.

One thing I hate is a double standard, so if you're going to "hold out" in the *** department, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you don't want to do it, not because of some misguided idea that a guy will value you more for it. (You don't want a guy who will value you more for it. Trust me.)

And, please, please, please don't ever give a guy the "gift" of a first time with you for his birthday or Christmas or any other occasion. (Yeah, I do know someone who did it. She married the guy, and let me tell you, it's not a good scene.)

Jeff Mac offered his interesting perspective on this subject in a response to a woman who wanted to know how soon she could sleep with a guy without him considering her a woman of "easy virtue."

My take on it is this: If you're a woman of easy virtue, what does that say about the guy your'e with. Doesn't that make him a man of easy virtue?

Think about it.